My Name Is Fernand Yim: June 2010

Discouraged but Not Giving Up

The first week in Transition was done and there are two more weeks to go. This week is the second week. Many times I overheard Danix, who’s sitting beside me, and Mommy Myrna talking about their second option which is pursuing her Nursing career for Danix and venturing in a business or two for Mommy Myrna. Whenever they started talking like that, I tried to keep myself busy or I stood up and went to the comfort room. I didn’t want to hear them talking about that. I didn’t want to absorb the spirit of the talk. Unlike them, I don’t have other option…as of now.

And because of plans Gracia and I have, I make Convergys my only option…as of now. I can’t afford to start over in another job. I can understand that the account is beyond challenging. Many times I feel stupid because I don’t get it. I always think of Graciella and my future with Gracia. That makes me inspired and still want to go to work. And, like what I already said, it is different now. I will become a young Daddy. How’s that for inspiration? So I won’t quit and I have set my goals and I’ll get there.

I still count on prayers from my friends. And to the Hero of my life and soul, keep me always in Your holy arms and always remember me and Your promises. Thank You, Jesus.

The Lady in the Comfort Room

I think it was the second day or night for we are now on night shift, that I was so sleepy that I was making a lot of effort to keep myself awake the whole time that I literally holding my lids up. When I realized that I was joggling reality training with dreamland, I stood up and went to the comfort room.

The lights outside the room were too bright for me that I had to cover my eyes while they were half-opened while I was walking like a zombie on the hallway. When I reached the comfort room’s door, I noticed that there was a lady right behind me. She was not a ghost, let me tell you that, laughs! But what she was doing there behind me? I ignored that and pushed the door open and walked into the room. Then she also went in! Dizzy and confused, I started to panic and scan the room while trying to wake up my mind and forcing it to work. Am I in a wrong room? Is it the female comfort room? I saw urinals on the right side for men which I don’t think comfort rooms for girls have them, or that could happen? For real? Then when my mind was back to wake-up mode, I realized it was a shemale (Am I using the term ‘shemale’ here correctly? Forgive me if I don’t!). That made me awake and alert, laughs! That’s the story of the lady in the comfort room.

Zephaniah or Graciella?

Last night, I dreamed of a baby boy who is so cute and very intelligent. It is making me feel that it is either someone in our family is pregnant or…yeah, Graciella might not be the first baby but Zephaniah Yim. Whoever comes first, I just can’t wait!

Torn, Because We Loved

I will never forget the night of June 19, 2010. What a coincidence that it was also the birthday of the Greatest Malayan who ever lived and one of the National Heroes of my country, Dr. Jose P. Rizal. Truth is that hours passing by like petals of roses raining down from heaven from that night up to the days of forever. I never felt as so complete a young man as I am now until that night. All hands will fail to capture the happiness I have in my heart and in my soul. Many wounds of the past disappeared along with its fears and doubt. I am now so sure of my future with the woman so special that the good LORD had blessed the day she was born to be my one and only wife.

I will be waiting for our Graciella, Zephaniah, and Nehemiah in God’s perfect time. For now, I want to celebrate each day with love so powerful that can forgive all the pains of the past. I am so blessed that my dreams are now stepping into the hands of reality. I will be praising the name of the LORD until the day He would send an angel to take me back home in eternity.

God Always Amazes Me!

God always amazes me. All my prayers are now getting their ‘yes’ and I can’t keep up with the pacing, laughs!

My prayer for Mama and Papa is now in process. I know it was in process already the very first time I prayed about it but now, the process is so obvious that it seems so hard to ignore.

Another prayer that just got answered was my prayer for my sister Nicalyn. She got so depressed that Chris and I needed to sleepover in Makati where Nicalyn is staying. The very moment we saw her, I put my arms around her right away right there in the midst of busy street of Makati. She was trying to control herself not to cry but there she was, crying like a baby. I let Chris to comfort her. I think there is a magic between sisters that I will never understand. Something in them that I can’t replace or mimic. Something that is so special which is so beyond what words can say. I just made sure that my presence was felt for brotherly support. We all so love Nicalyn.

After eating Pizza and shopping in the crowded market of Guadalupe in Makati, we started talking about ‘the story’. I am lying if I say I was not hurt to know the story. However, situations like this require more of me as a Christian. So we started the talk with a prayer which had touched Chris so much that she cried right there. I also let Nicalyn read a couple of verses in the Bible. When we were talking about it already, I felt like I was in a battle of winning my sister against the spirit of hate and deep pain. After a couple of minutes, I left them in the room and took a bath while still praying in my head. When I came back into the room, praise the LORD that Nicalyn was touched by the Spirit of the LORD that she was so peaceful and getting more wisdom in making her next move to live on. Praise God for that.

One more thing that was answered with a yes…I passed Product Training in Convergys! Yehey! Truth is, we all passed in the training. Boom, our beautiful trainer, even made an effort for some drama before the announcement of the results. She wanted us to bow our heads and closed our eyes after she made her speech drama. She told us that she would tap only once those who passed and those who didn’t pass, she would tap them twice. Part of my head was telling me it was all drama. But a bigger part of me was telling me otherwise! I could feel the cold in my feet running up to my waist. There was even a minute or two that I could not feel my feet anymore. I felt like Boom would tap me twice that I was asking God, what would I do next?

We could feel Boom going around, pausing for some seconds behind someone’s back then she would go to the door. We heard the doors opened and slammed close for like four times or so. Imagination was telling me that Boom was leading those people one by one out of the room, those who failed. But I was not hearing chairs getting moved and that confused me. Whenever Boom passed by behind me, I felt like my heart would stop any moment right there. I think it was her third turn that she tapped me and had her hand rested for a couple of seconds on my left shoulder. I was so nervous that my heart seemed wanna jump out of my chest! I was thinking of the instructions. Should I stand up now and leave or did I pass? I moved my chair two steps backward to prepare to stand up and leave. But I thought some more and stayed there on my chair. Boy, my knees were too weak to even attempt to stand up. After long minutes of drama, Boom announced trainees who passed. When we nervously opened our eyes, everyone was there. We all passed! Lane, Danix, and Grace were crying. It was all emotional and it was a happy moment.

That day started by showing Boom the Thank-You Video Jeh edited for us which included Boom’s and her daughter’s beautiful pictures and us her trainees. It was a beautiful video.

And then we had our graduation party in Vanessa Home in Bucal. Funny thing is that Vanessa Home is just right next to our subdivision which is Spring Homes. I left them around 4AM because Gracia and I would meet today. I’m excited.

That’s for now.

Nikka Killed A Book

Today is a good day. I don’t know. Yeah, I was really sleepy the first two hours of the shift until Boom, I think she noticed that every one was still lingering in Dreamland, encouraged the class saying, “Come on, guys. It’s Monday. We have to be perky!” Turned out that she herself didn’t sleep much last night because they had brown-out the previous night.

And you know what? I just discovered or noticed something about Nikka. When she was so happy, like outrageously happy because of making fun of me, laughs, when she laughs, she oinks! For real! Sorry, Nikka, I need fun here, laughs! I even told Arjie that when Nikka was laughing, she was turning into a pig! Nikka kept laughing when she knew it! I asked her, do you oink when you are with Dee-dee (Her boyfriend)? She said yes. Then I told her Dee-dee really loves her. Another weird piggy mirth right there!

Still about Nikka, she bought this thick Statistics Book of United States. It was not the type of book that I would read so I let her have the book for the whole shift. Then, she was telling me that only few pages were she was considering useful. She whispered to me that she was planning to tear off the pages she thought she could use. My love for books took over the emotional me. I told her right there that it was so non-sense. If she was thinking that the other pages were not useful to her, I advised her to keep the book as it was because who would know, she might need them sometime in the future. But you know, Nikka, when she makes plans, she makes sure they don’t remain plans in an hour. Right after lunch, she was there in our class all busy tearing the book! It was hurting me. I don’t know. It might be the spirit of a writer that lives in me which felt the hurt seeing the book getting abused like that right in front of me! “Help me?” She even dared to ask. Then I said, “Help you what? Help you killing that all innocent looking book? You must be kidding.” “Come on, Nan. Don’t be lame. Help me, be a gentle man!” But of course, I didn’t. Call me O.A., but no way would I just tear books even if we are talking books here that I don’t like.

Isn’t she weird? Yeah, I’m weird but not that weird. She bought a book just to tear it apart? When she said she buys books but doesn’t read them that she just let them sit around in their house was something I could understand. But to kill a book, okay, kill might be not the right term but it perfectly describes my feeling towards the now torn book.

That’s it for now. Oops, I always thought of Gracia the whole day. Not that I was thinking of her but because she was always in my head and in my heart. Err, laughs! That might be one of the reasons why I was so happy today.

Posting Pictures...

A Week Before Graduation

My wave-mates are thinking I am so reserved and all that. It is because I don’t talk much in Convergys. I hope they don’t get me wrong. I just don’t feel like talking, you know what I mean. Truth is, I like every one of them. Each has character and I enjoy just simply listening to their jokes and funny dialogues. It is funny to realize that I did change since the ‘Squatter Issue’ in Sykes.

Last Friday, we started the shift with planning about the Graduation Day this week on June 18. Wow, can’t believe that time could just fly like that! I am praying that every one would pass. We all would pass, I just know. Alright, so there. Every one was so into it that all, or almost every one, wanted to talk at the same time that no one seemed to want to listen until Gay took over. It was because Ron’s attempt to lead the class into a decision failed. It was hard to make Mina not to talk and it was funny. It is so challenging to detail out things here because it was all happening all at the same time. Uhh, I just love my wave. Then Boom got into the room and she took over and all of the sudden, every one was so into it, that included me! Just looking at the lists on the board, err, I just can’t wait! We are not going to just eat out but we are going to have a galore of everything!

What else to say? Oh yeah, about Nikka. She told me that she had a verbal fight with a lad peeing on the street. I was like, “As in, while he was peeing?” She laughed her usual loud laugh and said her happy yes. She was saying that on her way out from their house gate, she heard disgusting news on TV (Wow, that must be a loud TV they have at home, don’t you think so?) so she was so disgusted. Right after she took the turn to the left, there she found the disgusting peeing guy. She walked up to the P-Guy and haughtily told him, “Why are you peeing there? Don’t you have rest room in your house?” Then easily she walked away. The P-Guy was embarrassed that he dared to retort back to Nikka. I wouldn’t say the nasty words the P-Guy had said but, we know Nikka doesn’t know white flags so she even shouted back to the P-Guy as she paced away. And boy, the P-Guy seemed to be not knowing white flags, either! So, to cut this ‘very significant’ story short, they ended up screaming at each other as Nikka continued on walking away. People around were like, “What’s the..?” When Nikka seemed to run out of words to say, she put a period right there with her Super Shrill! Good thing I was not there.

One more thing I want to say here. Since Sunday last week, I was so impatient waiting for this Saturday. And this Saturday, Gracia and I broke our traditional “The Lake dates’ and “Snacks-out-in-7eleven”, oh my, I can’t believe I have the guts to humiliate my own self right here on my page! Laughs! So there, we went to the…let me think of a perfect masking words, you know when I don’t want to really say the actual names and verbs of the story for ‘security purposes’, laughs, I instead create masking, get me? Hmmm…what would be the perfect masking here, how should I say it? So yeah, we went to…the…City of Sun, err, that’s no way masking! Laughs! It’s so all in there. Laughs! Anyway, it was all spanking new to both of us. It was a…rollercoaster ride that gave us deeper understanding (Or puzzlement) of our future together..? Yeah, something like that. I hope I am not creating leakages here.

I just know this week is a lot better than the previous week. I’m loving life!

P.S. Hey there, you may want to read my Pain Story on my other page, Reporting Fernand Yim. You may want to look for my most recent post-ling there, The Day Pain Stole My Tears Away. Err, the title itself is so giveaway. Laughs!

Finer Than Fine

55 Out Of 100 = Failed

Yes, I failed the first Call Certification. I got upset but I am so fine now. I know I'll get better the second time. Heard heartbreaking comments from people after Boom and I had my Call Cert. Yeah, there were some nice comments, too, but the pain was too much to appreciate them. Good thing it was also the Worship Night. I think my ego was hurt that was shy I was hurting. Plus the idea of trying to explain my part why it went on that way. But there, in Worship Night, I learned to be accountable of my performance. It was not someone else's fault. It was mine. There I learned to give it to God and He cheered me up. Right there, I was feeling perfect. Thank You, my LORD.

A New Bible For Mama

For past weeks, I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to buy Mama a new Bible. So there, I was out in the city looking for stylish-looking Tagalog Bible. I felt bad many times that only English Bibles were out there in different colors and designs! Finally my success came in Walter Mart in Calamba. I found that Yellow Bible so perfect for Mama. I also bought a bookmark which had sunflowers in it. I even gave my blue dermatograph to Mama. I felt so happy to buy her a new Bible.

The Search For The Perfect Gift For Kiel

Friday night after work, I was busy thinking of what gift would be perfect for the four-year-old Kiel, Gracia's nephew who's celebrating his birthday on June 5. I thought of toys, books, art materials, and clothes. But I remembered Ken. Somehow I knew that Ken would want to get something, too, even if it was not his birthday. So I settled for cooking Lumpian Shanghai. Of course, I bought the ready it from the grocery. Well, yeah, Mama did the Shanghai-wrapping but hey, I did the frying! Laughs! I even bought those neat-looking-somewhat-stylish plastic lunchboxes. I arranged the well-fried Lumpia in four boxes. After my adrenaline rush dried out, I lost my confidence in my Lumpia. So when I got in San Pablo the next day, I looked for the perfect gate which took me forever. Imagine the feeling you wanted to impress your girlfriend's family and realize that you look tired, haggard and all that. Err.

When things were set, I thought it was better if I bought clothes or toys after realizing that I spent even more than my budget, laughs! But I was happy with what I did.

On the day itself, I was with Gracia most of the time but I felt missing her all the time. I couldn't touch her, hug her especially when her family was around. But it was great and I could feel it that I am so much part of their family.

And...

I just had another 'training' with Pastor Jun. I feel so blessed. Now I understand Trinity.

Getting Stressed As We Waited For The Call Cert

(This is written on Wednesday.)

Last week I had a short conversation with Pastor Jun. But it was so fulfilling. I felt so blessed that God is using people to let me know Him better. Pastor Jun even got my contact information so that we could schedule our next meeting. The joy it was bringing into my soul was so inexplicable. I am so thankful and incredibly blessed.

Nikka should be there with us that Sunday. However, she got confined in Asian Hospital because of Hyper-sensitive allergy or something like that. It was my fault because I made her eat Jolly Palabok which had shrimp.

Monday should be our Call Certification day. Icy was the first one to take it. She went fine. Every one was so nervous. Sarah passed that she got 95. Nikka, sorry Nikka but I need to tell it here, got 30. The rest of the seven who got their first Call Cert got 25. Nikka was so upset that I was trying to cheer her up like encouraging her to look at the bright side. I even told her that at least, she was second to the highest! Then we were like measuring the difference between 95 and 30. Err, I know the number was not that encouraging but still, she was second to the top! That should be fine, right? Laughs!

I was hoping my Call Cert would be done on Tuesday but I was never picked. Mommy Myrna got her turn that Tuesday. She was all this shaky and very nervous. Boom was trying to ease the pressure by making jokes when Nikka asked her if her Starbucks tumbler was not like those disposable ones. Then Boom was like joking her saying, “Why, Nikka. Don’t you dare to think I’m recycling with disposable cups from Starbucks?” You should see Boom when she was saying this. It was so funny. I so love her oral literature. And you know what? Mommy Myrna got 95! We were all so proud and happy for her.

Next day hit in and Mommy Myrna brought delicious pasta in the office which we all enjoyed even before the fist break! Imagine what she would prepare right after she passed the Product Training? Wow, can’t wait for it!

And again, I thought today is THE DAY. But the system is down so my Call Cert is, again, moved tomorrow. It is prolonging the painful waiting. Laughs! That is, if the system won’t act up on us. Please, don’t!

I kept bugging Gracia by texting her to pray for me. And she was so supportive. We even talked that we might get piglets for business as to raise wedding funds if you know what I mean. If someone out there who has this huge loving and courteous heart, we welcome sponsors! And I promise you, you will be forever part of my prayers! Laughs! I am just joking. But, hey, remember the saying jokes are half-meant? Laughs!