It was Friday the Thirteenth. Many say it is a bad day. But it is not with the LORD. God had chosen that day to free many souls from slavery of sins and to welcome them into His ever-loving arms. That Friday the Thirteenth was a beautiful day. I am afraid I would fall short to put everything in details here to describe the amazing things that took place that day. But here I am with my writing soul, trying my very best.
Prior to that day, Dexter was, should I say over-excited about the Big Day. Laughs! He kept reminding us that we shouldn’t be late. That if possible, it was either we stay in someone else’s house in Alabang to sleepover, or be there in the Center at least an hour before the 8:30AM Registration.
Well, I couldn’t blame Dexter for everyone was excited. I myself was so excited! I was trying to assess my emotions as I was already thinking how I would write it after the Victory Weekend. However, it was all mixed up. I could not place my emotions. I was very happy about it. There was no doubt to that. But aside from the happiness I was feeling that time, I was also feeling tensed, worried, and restless.
Again, let me go back days before the Big Day. When I was fasting for the very first time, I was experiencing unusual things. I was remembering many things like someone was speaking inside my head. In fact, I was remembering many sins which I had forgotten many years ago along with all the people who were associated with it. I was like asking why I was remembering them. Guilt was washing over me again. My spirit was like flying back to the past as far as it could, revisiting all the events in my life. I was worried about those sins which because of the gravity of these transgressions, it was hurting me just remembering them. I was thinking, am I going to say it in the retreat out loud so that it would be forgiven? I was telling to the LORD that I might need more strength to do that. Actually I didn’t think I could do that. I know God wanted me to be humble before Him and submit my whole self into it. I was so afraid that I would be needing to say it out loud right there.
Truth was that I didn’t want to do that. But it was so important that all I prayed for was that for God to take over me. That whatever the will of the LORD, be it.
Prior to that day, Dexter was, should I say over-excited about the Big Day. Laughs! He kept reminding us that we shouldn’t be late. That if possible, it was either we stay in someone else’s house in Alabang to sleepover, or be there in the Center at least an hour before the 8:30AM Registration.
Well, I couldn’t blame Dexter for everyone was excited. I myself was so excited! I was trying to assess my emotions as I was already thinking how I would write it after the Victory Weekend. However, it was all mixed up. I could not place my emotions. I was very happy about it. There was no doubt to that. But aside from the happiness I was feeling that time, I was also feeling tensed, worried, and restless.
Again, let me go back days before the Big Day. When I was fasting for the very first time, I was experiencing unusual things. I was remembering many things like someone was speaking inside my head. In fact, I was remembering many sins which I had forgotten many years ago along with all the people who were associated with it. I was like asking why I was remembering them. Guilt was washing over me again. My spirit was like flying back to the past as far as it could, revisiting all the events in my life. I was worried about those sins which because of the gravity of these transgressions, it was hurting me just remembering them. I was thinking, am I going to say it in the retreat out loud so that it would be forgiven? I was telling to the LORD that I might need more strength to do that. Actually I didn’t think I could do that. I know God wanted me to be humble before Him and submit my whole self into it. I was so afraid that I would be needing to say it out loud right there.
Truth was that I didn’t want to do that. But it was so important that all I prayed for was that for God to take over me. That whatever the will of the LORD, be it.
On the Orientation Night after the Prayer Meeting in the Center before the Big Day, Pastor Carlo was giving a brief discussion about it. I thought I was the only one experiencing it. Truth was, it was the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. The purpose why we needed to remember all the things we did in the past, all the people who hurt us in the past, and all the people we hurt in the past was very clear. In order to forgive and to be forgiven, we had to identify them all.
It is because without identifying the people you had hurt before, how could you ask for forgiveness from God then? If you could not remember the people who had hurt you before, how could you forgive them? If you would not be able to identify the sins you did before, how could you ask to be forgiven for those sins? So first step is to identify them then accept the fact that they did happen and repent. I was amazed that it was all happening. Truly the LORD is alive and was with us all the way for the Victory Weekend.
OK, I apologize for a long intro, laughs, now let me tell here my wonderful experience on the Big Day.
The morning of that Friday, I kept waking up at the wrong hour. I woke up at 1AM, afraid I would wake up late. I woke up at 3AM, 4:30AM, and finally at 5AM. I knew I needed to get ready as quick as I could, but you know what? I had still time to do Facebook, laughs! Anyway I was not late. In fact, I was there an hour before the Registration.
There was a small breakfast while the Registration was going on. We were given our sticker nameplates. I was excited to see my name, wow, what a beautiful name! Laughs! I met Ate Awi. She was Ramon’s teacher in high school ten years ago. It was amazing, right? Ate Awi is still young. She was very nice and so talkative. Laughs! She is a teacher by profession. In fact, she has been awarded as the Best Teacher in the Philippines for 2009! A big wow to that.
After the breakfast, the day was officially started with Praise and Worship. For in everything we do for the LORD, we should begin in praising and worshipping Him. It opens our heart to Him. The songs were all beautiful. After that, all the women went to the other room and we men went to the Children’s Ministry. The retreat, or should I say the Opening of the Heart, had finally started as we stepped into the room.
There were like ten chapters we discussed and every chapter was so intimate that it was like every Pastor who stood in the front floor was reaching deep into our hearts. The most beautiful and amazing part there was the Chapter Three which was entitled, The Cross.
Aside from the fact that Pastor Sonny discussed the chapter with supported scientific details, it was still all biblical. I was on my seat, trying my very best to control my emotions. Every fact that was revealed to us was hurting me as a Christian. I kept on biting my lips real hard just to not burst into tears. No way that I would cry with all these men in the same room! But the Holy Spirit was so vivid in feeling in the room that it was flying around and touching every heart in that room. My lips felt hurt that I was afraid that it might bleed as I kept on biting them.
All along since I was a kid growing in a very Christian family and clan, I was so familiar with what Jesus did and all the stories about Him in the Bible. I had even watched the Passion of Christ long before. But in that room that day I felt so ignorant, so stupid that I didn’t know it all by heart. It was like I was learning all these for the very first time. The gravity of pain in my soul was getting deeper and deeper that at the last part of it, I trembled and cried like a baby! The power of the Holy Spirit was so overwhelming that I was not able to stand any longer that I needed to sit down or I would fall into the floor as we prayed in unison surrendering all to Jesus. Older men were even as emotional as I was. That very moment, machismo was a foreign word. Suddenly nothing mattered but each personal relationship every one of us had with the LORD. Everyone cried, asking for forgiveness all out loud. It was all amazing! In fact, as I write it down here, I was feeling Goosebumps. Personally I could die that very moment submitting all myself to God. I wanted to die doing that.
After that prayer we had to watch a video excerpt from Passion of Christ. It was the scene when Jesus was suffering as He carried the cross. Jesus is greatly amazing. There is a power as I am writing it here for I am nearly in tears again as my fingers dance over the computer’s keyboard.
When the excerpted video was being played, I was not able to keep my eyes on the screen but surrendered myself again in tears for I felt so greatly loved by an amazing God and it was the most beautiful feeling I ever felt in my whole life!
Another favorite of mine on the Big Day was the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. No word in any language could define the amazing thing happened as we got baptized in Spirit. One more favorite of mine was the Creed we read all based in the Bible. My favorite lines are the following:
I am holy.
I am righteous.
I am chosen.
I am COMPLETE.
As a love child who was conceived out of the wedlock, who did not have a father on his birth certificate, who was rejected even before he was born, these words had big impact to me. I believe therefore I am complete in Jesus Christ.
The Big Day ended with a One on One with our Spiritual Leader. I was with Dexter. I confessed the remaining things I had not yet told him. I was feeling a bit awkward telling it all to him but I was so determined to give it all. I was doing this for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Then he looked me in the eyes and freed my soul, my spirit, by the power of Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit through casting out bad spirits from my body. The tension was in my fingertips and eyes and ears. It was another experience that I would not be able to describe. But it was all beautiful.
As I went home, I was all exhausted. I felt like every detail of me was renewed and I felt a rush that I wanted to have all the people I know to experience it themselves. And I believe in God’s time, it will happen.
Jesus, thank you.
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