Bathing Under The Rain In The Middle Of The Night

Gracia and I just met yesterday afternoon. As usual, we talked about many things in life in the future. We also talked about our friends. We laughed. We joked. We ate. We watched movie. We tired our feet until we ended up in 7eleven in San Pablo. Our conversation was like no end that we lost track of time. It was almost twelve midnight that we had to say goodbye.

When I was finally in Spring Homes, it was raining softly. When I reached the gate of our apartment, I left my bag, the umbrella, and all my clothes inside including my underwear except my pants. I did not know what came to my mind last night. When I remembered the feeling when my hand was on Gracia’s thigh when we were on the bus to San Pablo, I felt my skin burning. It was like there was fire underneath them.

I was so sure that the rain was cold like ice because it is already September and we are located near the lake and the mountain. I knew it was very cold especially when you were wearing nothing except your pants.

The heat was consuming every inch of my body until I needed to adjust my bulge in front of my pants. I walked and walked with no direction in mind. I just wanted to feel the rain touching my skin, hoping that it could wash away the fire. It is because I did not want to do it again. It would only make me dirty.

I reached the basketball court. It was hardly lit. The rain was still falling softly. Sometimes the wind blew around me. It seemed like nature was trying its best to conquer the heat under my skin.

I played basketball with my imaginary ball in the watery court. It was funny when I realized I was created so differently. I was created to oppose the traditional concept of being a man. Okay, I don’t have a sport. For the ordinary people they would think something wrong about me right away. Well they are just ordinary, no matter what walk of like they come form. They are still ordinary which means they are not important, or at least, what they think on that is not important.

I might look funny to play basketball with no actual ball. Plus the fact that I didn’t know how to play the game. But I was alone. No one was there to say I looked funny or stupid. I felt so free to be the special me. I ran, jumped, and gave my best shot! It was relaxing. All the pressure from within started to subside. But my skin still was burning. I thought I had a fever already. But I felt okay except that I felt so warm inside.

And I did it again. All by myself. I felt guilty. Prayed. And played the basketball again.

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But You still forgive if only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me.
Everything I need is You.

All For Love by Hillsongs