A Test Of Love

Last Friday, it was my rest day, I had a bit of my ginger allergy. I just watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. It was really entertaining and I love the way it was written. At first I felt inspired to write again. The hullabaloo of emotions in my soul was becoming painful that I could not take them anymore until…I got my ginger back. So that Friday I was so upset. But, somewhere in me, I knew I could manage. Gracia and I were supposed to meet that day. I texted her that I wanted to go mall-hopping, wanted to buy a book. I think the way I sent her my text messages were not compelling enough that, err, she misunderstood them. She thought I wanted to go alone. What I meant was that I wanted her to think of the plans because I needed to be cheered up or something like that. I felt rejected one more time. I know it was not her fault, part of it was mine. I could have explained to her what I really wanted to do but I just let it go that way. I just did not have the energy to explain. Actually explaining is the ultimate hate-thing to me. And perhaps, she wanted the same thing from me.

I also thought it was part of any relationship that both parties are seeking for the same thing from their opposite at the same time. Ending is that both of them are waiting. I just realized that it is important that one of you could sacrifice the evil ego which refuses to surrender. Find a way to explain, even if, like me, you don’t like explaining.

So we decided to meet up the next day instead after my shift. I was rushing to get to Dela Rosa to catch the bus to Lucena City. I was waiting there for like a lifetime and the grey clouds were threatening a storm was coming. I felt my tummy was twisting in hunger so I decided to order two hamburgers. I watched the store crew fry the two patties when the bus I was waiting finally came. That was a test for my quick decision skill. Since the patties were already on the frying pan, I couldn’t cancel that anymore. So I let the bus go and hoped that another bus would come in few minutes.

Finally before I got soaked in the rain, another bus arrived. All the seats were already taken so I had to stand on the bus which was okay with me...at first. The traffic was unbelievable. It was actually a series of traffic, you know what I mean. When the bus was already enduring the traffic on South Luzon Expressway, I rummaged into my bag with my both hands for my cellphone. All of the sudden, the bus driver pulled the break real hard that I lost my balance that if I was lucky or not, I am not really sure but I almost kissed the floor while the man from my right did try his best to catch me. Everyone was looking at me so interestingly. And take note of this, they were laughing real hard that I just wanted to die that very moment. Worse part of it was, you know the feeling of being locked up in a place and there is nowhere to go? So terrible! I tried thinking something else, making myself believe that I was not there, that it didn’t happen at all. And when you think that was it, you are wrong. Worst thing there was that I needed to take in the swelling embarrassment on that bus for the next two hours! So much for embarrassment. My feet felt so tired and they felt so thick that seemed I couldn’t feel my shoes anymore.

It was almost eight already when I arrived in San Pablo City. When I saw Gracia, my tiredness just went away. I put my arms around her right away when I realized that she was actually with her father. Arg, I didn’t notice her father! I quickly pulled my arms away from her and said good evening. What was that? Embarrassment part two? Give me a break, please.

I was so tired already and, ehem, sleepy. I tried my best really to satisfy Gracia but it was like we were working against time. We talked about many things. About marriage, where to buy a house and many other things. I know she was disappointed but I still had a shift the next day so I really needed to go around ten because I needed to travel another one and a half hour from San Pablo City to Calamba City. Anyway I couldn’t imagine a life without her. I just needed to get there, to my security.