Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Remembering Julsan

I am almost done watching the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Just one more episode to go and the second season will be the next in the list.

Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer again, I remembered so many things, so many people. Many of them are from high school. It was weird to think that I was only thirteen watching the very first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on RPN9. So many years have gone by. So many changes have gone through. So many stories have been told and more than half of them are almost forgotten.

I was excited watching the eleven episodes in just one sitting. It felt like high school again. Then I remembered Julsan. He was a friend from high school. He was two years older than me. He died in September of our Sophomore year. Heart failure. It was a sad time having him gone forever. He was a very good friend. He was this mysterious guy that seemed to hide so much in his secret book. I also remembered that I made a promise to myself that I would never forget him. To make that happen, I tried to think of him everyday after his death. I was deeply touched when his sister told me that before he died he kept telling stories about me. It was all about me. It was like I was his only friend. He was talking about me until the very last breath of his fragile life. Because of that, I made that promise that I would never forget him.

Until I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer again. From there, I remembered him again. I was guilty for not keeping up to my promise. I felt bad for myself. However, I know that wherever he is now, he is happy and safe.

So there, I'll be watching more of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in this week. Hopefully.

It Is My Lunch Break

I am now on a lunch break. I am trying to do something outside the production floor. So here I am, trying to write something.

Prior to my shift today, I was feeling so lazy to go to work. I was trying to cheer myself up by the prayers I already asked and had been answered. Sykes is one of them. I felt so stupid for feeling this way. I asked for this. And now that I have it, I feel like it is not right for me to have this feeling. Okay, what I am really saying here is that, I am struggling to be inspired with what I do now with Sykes. The Team I am in now is wonderful. I feel so guilty just to realize that I am no longer happy with it. I made a personal promise before that I would stop going around in circles. I have to do something and make it right. But then and again, here I am with the old story. I want this gets finished. And again, I wouldn't let my emotions ruin everything again.

One more thing that is of importance to me now. I need a Sunday off. I need to be in church every Sunday. I have some more healing to go through. I am still weak inside. Everything became so wonderful lately. I am so thankful about it. But something...There is something I want to have and do in my life. I want to be there, where I can write all the things I should be writing now.

To the good LORD,

Thank You so much for taking care of me. Thank You for understanding me. I don't know how to thank You enough. I just realized what I was doing recently and I feel so bad about it. Please help me, heal me from within. Take away all the fears, hate, and pains from inside of me. Help me become Yours truly.

Love,

Nan Yim

Cherie With Mine And Jaypee

My friends from Sykes.

Another Failed Call

Originally written on November 24, Monday.

To be honest I was so down this past week. I was seeking some spiritual boost. It was relief to be able to attend the Church last Sunday. Plus the fact that I had a quality time spent with my friends and Gracia. Jerlie has a problem with her boyfriend Arnel. It was something I don’t think I should mention here anyway. Gracia was trying to help her out. Oh, you know the things that only girls can understand.

Before my Sunday shift ended, I was so excited going home and growing impatient while waiting for the last two hours to finally end. There were not many calls, though. I thought things were about to end so well. Then, there was this call that was a first time for me to handle. Surprise, it was monitored by Fifi, our Quality Officer. She was really nice with that first call. After that, she told me that she would monitor the next call. That didn’t help me at all. It only made me more nervous. I was praying to have a good call. But then again, luck seemed too far for me to grasp. It was a very bad call. That was the first time I received that kind of call. There were many people telling me different things. I was getting confused to what to follow. The result? Failed call.

Anyway, my Boss, Sir Ivor is very supportive to both LA and I. I am trying to do whatever there is for me to do. Although, many times, it is getting too much to take in all the things I have to remember. But I’ll do fine. I know.

That’s it for now. Let us see what will happen tonight. And tomorrow.

God bless us.

Life As It Is

Again I heard that famous words, “Nan, you’re twenty-five now. You’re not getting any younger.” Somewhere in my head, I heard myself say, “I know.”

I refuse to use the word weird here today, however, it seems like that is the perfect word to describe how I really feel: Weird. I know I am not getting younger. I also know that I am still young. But when I think of settling down and having my own family in the near future, I get alarmed. I still have that fire of having my ultimate dream to become true one day. But as of now, I am thinking of something else. This time it is simpler and, it sounds more real.

I am thankful that I am now with Sykes. It was an answered prayer. It was a very long time of waiting in the middle of nowhere and finally God extended His holy hands and brought me to Sykes. I am thankful. I think I like the team I am in now. Everything is promising. I still have hard time in learning everything there is for me to learn at work. Somehow I know I can learn them. Sounds good, right?

Again, like those many times I said before, there is a place where I know I truly belong. I can’t explain it in a way I should because I do not know how to do that. But I can feel it right here inside of me. Okay, so what am I saying here now? I want to have a Sunday off from work. At this point of time when I already have new life with new good friends, I can sacrifice everything with it just to have a regular spiritual boost.

I still want to write. I believe that is something constant about me. It doesn’t change at all. It is like forever I’ll be like this. I was trying to have a conversation with God earlier today. But nothing much I was able to say. Words were few. But I believed that He listened to me. I know He did. He always did.

I know it is still a long journey for me to take to find out what is my mission in this sick world. I always tell the LORD that this world is too painful to live in. He doesn’t reply at all like visiting me in one of my dreams, or even through a whisper. Instead He brought me wonderful people to help me feel the hidden beauty of the world. Sounds mushy? I don’t give a bit of care. I am true with every word that I said here.

For now, I know what I want. May the LORD forgive me again, and may He, in His most amazing grace, have me closed within His arms where I am safe.

Catching Up

Last night, I was so worried of getting to work late. It was already past 10PM when finally a bus going to Cubao arrived in Turbina. I had to stand on the bus because it was already full. I almost fell when my knees weakened because of severe sleepiness. Laughs! Good thing I was able to catch myself.

I am excited this Wednesday. Finally I will have a real restday. I am just not happy about my schedule. I need to have a Sunday off! I need some spiritual boost because I am feeling weak within my soul. I don't want to be dead again.

About my first week, I am happy that I have a perfect attendance with no late record. I have still so much to catch up with the product information.

Last Monday, Mine, Cherie, Jaypee, and I went to Max's to have a lunch together. We missed each other although we are on the same floor. Too bad, Lohan was not with us.

Mine and Jaypee.

There are so many things going on in my head now. I don't know. But I want to be sure with everything that I do or will do now. Please God help me...

Just Recorded A Song

I find it really funny, however, here I am, taking the risks of losing my few loyal readers, laughs! I just recorded few of my songs in IMEEM. Here is one of them.

This song is entitled The Same Old Ground. I know it sounds baduy, anyway. It is one of my short songs. I had writtened this song while I was in my fourth year in college. I now think it was the effect of weird feeling towards the Graduation day that time. Arg, walking down the memory lane...

My Restday, Alone

This is what I don't like with my work. My previous shift ended at 8:30AM on a Thursday, my restday. Then I had to travel for two or so hours to get home to Calamba. I had to take care of some things before I could go to sleep. Then spend some more time with my family because that's all time I had with them. Then I had to sleep. Now I just woke up. Worst feeling that is, it feels like I am the only awake one in the face of the Earth. It feels...so terribly sad.

I am not complaining. I am telling how I am feeling. When wishes are meant to be granted. I am willing to wait for the day when I have mine...granted.

Just Got Monitored

Today is my first rest day in production, technically it should have been my second rest day. Anyway, I don't know if it has something to do with the date today which the 13th of November, that I had some, err, challenging situation before my shift ended today.

After my last break, I got this call about disputing a charge. I pulled up How-To already to see the steps to follow in that task. I was concerned of providing the resolution right away so there, I was not aware I had skipped one important step which, of course, made that call failed in providing a quality service. Right after that call, QA called me and reminded me of the things I should do the next time around. She was nice, though. I thought that was it. Then, without me realizing it, the call after that was also monitored! What was crazy about it, it was not a good call as well. We can only pull up one account at a time. My mistake was that I gave out to the caller the address I was showing on the screen for the account. I was thinking twice about it. I knew, somewhere in my head, that I should not give out the information. However, I was also thinking that since the caller had been highly verified already, and since that it was his information, I thought I could give out the address to him. But, again, it was a big no-no.

The QA approached me then in my station. She was a little bit scary. It was like, oh-oh, there comes the real thing. Then after having myself scolded because of my fault, I took another call. Again, it was being monitored as well. However, there were my other teammates who were there to support me. I really appreciated that. Only that they were making me more nervous. Like I had to listen to my caller so that I could understand what was his concern all about. Then I also had to pay attention to what they were telling me. I felt like I had more than two ears that time. Still, I was really thankful about it.

Before I left, I had some lecture from my Boss, and he has a very interesting name. He is Ivor Poole. It doesn't sound Pinoy, right? Anyway he is really nice to me. I hope that I could learn everything there is for me to learn so that I would not be a failure to the Team. It is because I belong to the best Team. And LA was still absent. He is putting all the pressures on my shoulder. Arg!

That's all for now. Have to sleep. And there is some laundry work I have to attend to or else, I would have nothing to wear on Friday. Laughs!

The First Week In The Production Floor

The feeling in the Production is really...weird. I don't know how to explain it but it is like everyone from Batch 68 is losing the interest to continue having the job here. I am thinking that it could still be part of the adjusting stage. However, I don't know, but it is like I am not that happy anymore. I am afraid to say this because it sounds like I am starting again with my old complaints. I am trying to encourage myself to go to work everyday but I am starting to feel being forced to do it so. I know this is not the right way to show my gratitude of having this chance to start again. So I am praying for it. I hope I could get over it. And I feel guilty as well for entertaining this kind of emotion. I don't want to have the history come back again. It's over. What was there before is more than enough for me to learn everything. Or there is still something I need to know?

Everyone in the Team is friendly.
LA is still absent.
Last Sunday I went to work. Monday shift they told me Sunday is my rest day.

A Door Closes, A New One Opens

There comes the story of the door. Two months ago, I entered the door I so waited for so long to find. Two months are quite a long time. But now that the training is officially over, I am feeling it like a breeze that comes by and now gone forever.

I don't care if I sound so mushy here, shut up to those who rebuke emotions, you are just fooling yourselves. I am sorry. I don't know what I am really saying here. I think, I just don't like the idea that when I finally feel that I have found a new set of friends and new life, I have to let go and I am telling you it is not easy. I don't know if it has something to do with...arg, why am I so affected with the break-up stuff.

Okay, okay. I graduated in the Training. Congratulations. I don't know but I am not happy about it. I don't know. It is like I am being forced to embrace another new door when I am not yet ready to leave the current one. Oops, no way that I would let my emotions get the better of me this time.

After writing all these words here, I am starting to realize that I am a fool. Laughs! We will miss Patrick or maybe not. He made a promise that he will always be around. We will miss Honey. I wish we could still see her anyway. Too bad she doesn't have a Friendster.

Next week, yeah, the next week, let us see how Fernand Yim will survive the Production floor. And that next week starts tomorrow night. Arg! Can't you give me a break? Laughs! Not that I am complaining or whatever, I just...need some times.

Ok, enough to this.

To Cherie, Mine, Jaypee, Lohan, Kris...Salamat.

Arg, tama na nga, ang baduy!

Just Wanna Say Something...

There are so much words I'd like to say. But the right manner to finally say them? That's another story.

Going up is never easy. Many times I have to look stupid before I reach the top.



Saying goodbye always puts pain in my heart. O, how I hate the process of letting go.



I wish I could stop myself from leaving you and you from leaving me. I wish we could stay together, right here forever.



I am so willing to give my everything just so to keep you. I wanna mimic Casper, "Can I keep you?"



You see, I have nothing if I don't have you. Does it sound like a line in a song? Anyway, I am speaking with my heart.

When we thought it was finally over, underneath the pain, a new story unfolds.

And The Pictures Say...

When they say pictures tell a thousand words, I pondered a moment, and some more moments, then I realized that Photographers tell more stories than literary writers. Anyway, I am both. In that case, I tell more. (Wala lang masabi.)

Surprise, Surprise

Always The Two Of Us



Stairways To Heaven



Friendship In Counting Forever



Keeping The Friendship



The Comfort Room

The Deciding Week

The start of this week was a bit funny. We started taking calls at 3:30AM. After few hours, we were informed that we should be taking calls at 4:30AM! Therefore, we had an hour of overtime in taking calls. Well, it was fine.

The next day, Lohan and I decided to leave Calamba at 2:30AM. However, for the two consecutive days, we were almost late because of some pick-up issues with the bus drivers. There was a funny experience we had on the first time we did that. We waited for the bus in Turbina. When Lohan and I realized that time was running out, we took whatever bus would come. So unfortunately, there was this ordinary bus from Bicol, I think. It was raining that time, by the way. So when Lohan and I entered the bus, arg, imagine the not-so-good smell floating on the bus. I tell you, we wished to try not to breathe.

There was even a chance that our bus was in line before the tollgate in Alabang. We were waiting for the bus to move for almost ten minutes already. Then we found out that the bus driver of the Raymond Bus, which was three vehicles ahead of us, was sleeping! Good thing, the guard approached them and woke him up.

In the training room, everything seems okay. I believe I am learning new things each day. I got always monitored. My last call that was monitored was the worst call I ever had. I felt so bad that that was the call that had to be monitored. I felt my face was on fire while Robert, the new QA, was giving me feedback. Anyway, he was fair and I learned a lot from it.

Also, it doesn't happen just to me, whenever we need some help from the L2's, if Honey is not available, we don't raise our hand right away unless the call is really difficult and needs a quick rescue. There was even a chance when I called for Honey to help me out with a particular call, and when she was already there behind me, I just realized that I actually knew what to do. I felt so stupid that time.

Many of my co-trainees were sick last week. Sam didn't show up this week. We are thinking that he's not coming back. Lohan misses him so much.

There are two more shifts to go and we'll see what will happen next week.

That's for now.

P.S. We love Aux8 so much! Laughs!

From This Day Forward

I am counting hours before the new shift starts. Now I am planning to rent a place somewhere in Makati. I don't know yet. Arg, I don't like it when I feel the chaos of emotions running wild inside of me. I can't take more than just one thing at a time. It feels like everything is rushng to get into me. And I refuse to take them all in. Not now, please.

When I was in the Church yesterday morning, I was so emotional. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I felt like I was a little kid seeking comfort from his Father. After the special prayer, I was still crying. I could feel my chin trembling and if I would not make an effort, it felt like any moment I would fall. What I am really saying here is that, I feel like a failure again. I thought I am doing things now good. That everything is understood. But there, I should find one day that I was wrong. That something bad was hiding behind my new created hope and dreams. I feel so bad that I am still hurting people. Especially that the people I am referring here is a special one. I don't want to hate myself again. I don't want to be there again. I know it was finally over. I am now a new person. Yes, I don't want to be there anymore. Ginger Story was now over.

Before this year ends, I am praying to the LORD that He may let me meet my biological father. O God, I am so emotional today. Like any moment I will cry. I can't believe things are like this. A month ago, I was planning to get married by next year. Now I am alone. I respect the decisions here. Yes, I respect them. It is just that it is too painful to know that I failed again. Now I need some break. I'll get to where I want to be. That's a promise to myself. From this day forward.

Fright Week And England Getaway

The Fright Week

Starting Monday next week, we will be taking calls from 3:30AM-12:30PM. There will be no more briefings before and after the shift. Also, next week is the deciding week for who will be endorsed on time and who will be extended. Not that I am saying the pressure in training is getting thicker and thicker each day. The thing is, everytime I think of moving into my Team, The Incredibles, and remember the first day when my future Boss talked to me about it, I get more restless and, yeah, afraid.

I believe everyone in the training is getting better and better each day. Patrick said that we are doing just good. In fact, he said that we are the best wave ever, seriously! It feels so good to hear those encouraging words from him and from Hyrum and Honey.

Still, the graduation-fright mixes with the air we breathe in. Well, this is how I feel. I don't know about the rest of us. And why should I worry? We have the best support from our great L2's and from Patrick. We were also informed that there will be additional help coming in to help us. Lines, the beautiful L2, will also be there. But I still prefer Honey over her. For me, Honey is the best L2 that we have. Everyone likes her.

We Went To England

Somewhere last week, Cherie, Jaypee, Mine and I were planning of going out to have some bonding time with each other. Kris was a little upset when she was informed a little late about it. Anyway she had a family activity yesterday so she wouldn't be able to be with us at all.

So we were excited about it. This was the first time we would be together outside the Training Room. Plus the fact that no one knows what will happen after next week. So the only chance we had was yesterday.

We were only five. Jaypee, Cherie, Mine, Lohan, and I. We waited for the bus in Dela Rosa. It felt like Lohan and I were the Tourist Guides for the other three. When we were already on the bus, take note the bus was not aircon, Mine was so funny because she seemed so amazed with all the things she was seeing outside the bus. Even Cherie was like a little kid seeing things for the first time. You should see them when they saw the purple man-made hill, or whatever it is, which is located in Alabang. It was so funny.

There I realized that the more you see the same things over and over again, the less for you to really see them. What I mean to say, the more we are exposed to the same things everyday, we rarely appreciate them. And for those who don't see them as often as we do, they can see the beauty of these things.

Moving on, it was a smooth trip since that it was a holiday. There were so many other funny things that happend on the bus. I really wished I was able to take note of them so that I could share them all here.

We went first in WalterMart to do the grocery. After that we talked about which palce to go. No one had an idea. Yes I live in Bucal and it is given that I should know the best places to pick in Calamba but I don't. So we thought some more. And what happened? We ended up in Grand Bay Resort! Laughs! There we rented the Fan Room, the England. There were few people which was a bit strange considering that it was a long holiday. Anyway that was a good thing to take advantage of.

We had Spicy Pork for dinner. We went swimming around seven, I think. We only played in the pool for about two hours then we went back to England. Baduy, I know.

There we started eating again. We were watching TV at the same time. Of course teasing each other was there. Lohan was...arg, she was so mean to me yesterday. Laughs! We drank just a bit. Lohan had three small shots of Emperador mixed with Coke and she got tipsy, no, she got drunk right away! Laughs! She was so funny, so makulit, and so talkative. Yes, I was talkative, too. I was a bit tipsy as well. There were so funny things happened but since I was under the influence of alcohol that time, I couldn't remember much of them now. There is one thing, though, that I remember. Lohan was already lying on her back with Cherie and Mine on the upper bed. Jaypee and I were still drinking our argumented amount of the Rhum on the other bed next to the upper bed. Lohan said that the ceiling was moving in circles. She even asked me to reach the celing and make it stop form moving! She even complained about the not moving ceiling fan. She said there was something wrong with the room. The celing was moving while the ceiling fan was not. She also said that it was because the room was cheap. Laughs! She was so funny. And if only I could write all the other things she said, you'll find it really hard to stop from laughing!

There I also talked about why I was a little bit pushy on drinking. I mentioned about the private e-mail message I received that made me so upset. I don't know what or how much did I tell them about it. But I believe I could trust these new friends I have now.

After seven the next morning, that's today, we stayed two hours more in Binalot in Pansol. They really serve delicious foods! And the ambiance was really good, too. We felt so relaxed, and recharged. And sleepy, as well. All in all, we did enjoy it and looking forward to spend another time like this the next time Good Chance knocks the door.

I was able to attend the Church today. The sermon was really good. It always feels like God is personally telling me the message. I was thinking about the drinking we did. I was a bit guilty about it. And God just preached me real good thing on that. So it means, I won't be having myself get into any drinking sessions in the future.



P.S. Norman just arrived today from Union City, CA.