My Name Is Fernand Yim: January 2008

Sa Jollibee...

Garcia, Jeff, and Jerlie.

As you can see, I am part of the picture! Kaso engot yung kumuha! (Si Jeff yun!)

Jerlie and Gracia. Jeff was actually part of the picture, nasobrahan lang ako talaga ng angat!

Wanna know what I am doing? Nothing, just nothing...

Jerlie, Gracia nad I. Believe it or not, stolen pic to! Still i'm cute, hahaha!

I love this funny pic! Look at me, hahaha!

Me with Gracia and Jerlie. Ganyan ang mga pader sa PUP, puro magaganda, hehehe...

Jerlie and Gracia in Jollibee-Sto. Tomas. One of the many extensions of PUP!

Let me have just one more shot in one of my most memorable places in the world!

This place reminds me of our 'Consti-syndrome'. Hersan always told me before that this is so beautiful. If you go straight, somewhere there, you will find Paris Extension. Sigh, the memories...

Me to Jeff: Jeff, di pa ako ready!

Ganda ng place no? PUP yan!

I am the King of the gate? Nonsense, I know...

Jenn, Jeff, and I. Jeff is the one wearing green, he thinks he is cute! (Err!)

Tuloy pa rin...

Kahapon habang naglalakad ako ay umuulan habang umaaraw. Sabi nila may kinakasal daw na fox. Hindi ko naman kilala yung fox saka wala rin naming kinalaman yung fox sa sasasbihin ko. Kaya dumiretso na lang tayo sa gusto ko sabihin.

I just lost my job last week.

I got bruises. (At malaking eskandalo)

My face was deformed. (Actually I have a very sensitive skin. Namamantal balat ko kapag nasasaktan. You can actually draw a star on my skin tapos mamamantal yun ng hugis star. Cool, no?)

I miss my real friends there sa InfoNXX. (Alam ko na bawal banggitin ang pangalan ng company dito dahil ground ito for termination, kaso terminated na ako so…yun)

Dinugo si Mama nung umuwi ako ng bahay. (Di ko kasi ma-ingles ang sentence na ito) Buntis kasi si Mama.

Yung plano naming na kumuha ng bahay, malamang plano pa rin yun next month kasi nga I lost my job. (Walang side comment)

Yung gameboy na hinihiling ni Alex kasi nanalo nga siya sa regional journalism ng mga estudiyante, papadala nga siya sa national event sa davao…hindi na rin siguro yun mangyayari agad. (Sayang talaga)

Iniisip ninyo siguro depressed ako. Hindi. Ewan ko. Siguro. O baka niloloko ko lang sarili ko na hindi ako depressed, pero depressed pala talaga ako. Actually nung una okay lang ako. Pero habang tumatagal parang nare-realize ko dehado yata ako sa nangyari. Maraming nagalit sa nangyari. Kasi kilala naman talaga ako ng mga taong ito.

Nakakatuwa malaman na ang daming nagmamahal sa akin. Ito ang isa sa mararaming magagandang bagay na kapalit ng pangyayaring iyon. Ang makilala ko ang mga tunay na tao sa paligid ko. Saka naniniwala ako sa Diyos. Bahala na si God umayos at mag-tama ng mga nangyari. Oo. Nagalit din ako, pero lipas na. Okay na naman si Mama. Babae ang magiging bago kong kapatid! Sa February pa siya manganganak.

Sinusubukan ko ngayong magsimula ulit. Nagsusulat ako ngayon. Masaya ang work na ito pero hindi madali. Hindi ko nga alam kung papaano ko bubuuin ulit ang sarili ko. Masama pa rin ang loob ko sa nangyari. Pero nagpapasalamat ako sa mga tumulong sa akin. Kay Boss Guille, sa HR people, kay Boss Lowell at sa marami pang iba na ginawa ang makakaya nila para hindi ako ma-termed. Pero may rules na dapat sundin at yun na nga ang nangyari.

Ngayon puwede na akong matulog hangang gusto ko. Pinababayaan lang ako ni Mama kasi naiintindihan niya ako. Kinig lang ako ng music, nagsusulat, nagbabasa. Nakakapag-text na din ako. Pero minsan nagdarasal ako, kinakausap ko si God, nagtatanong. Minsan gusto ko tawagan si Tatay sa Antipolo. Gusto ko magsumbong. Napaka-emotional ko talaga. Pero kapag naiisip ko yung maraming tao na nagmamahal sa akin, sumasaya ako. Alam ko na may dahilan ang lahat ng ito. May nawala sa akin kaya alam ko na may kapalit iyon. Maghihintay ako.

Nung Saturday, nanood ako ng GANDINGAN sa UPLB. Nakita ko sina Korina Sanchez, Ted Failon, Boy Abunda, Iya, Bianca, Howie Severino, at Jay Taruc. First time ko dumalo ng awarding, exciting. Tapos kanina first time ko manood ng indie film, TRIBU, masaya. Bagong experience na naman ito sa akin. Na-published na yung tatlo kong bagong article.

Muli, gusto ko pasalamatan lahat ng taong nagmamahal sa akin. Bahala na si Yahweh magbalik ng kabutihan ninyo sa akin. Kilala ninyo kung sino kayo.

Ang cute ninyo pa ring kaibigan,

Fernand Yim

The Question(A Journey To A Dream)

Many times I felt a question

was raised from within me,

expecting an answer and some attention.

I explored into many different phases,

jumping from moon to sun and from sun to moon

I was there knowing I could get burned

yet something was like a question that needed ears and sincerity.

Many nights the air smelled like death

and every new morning that had come

seemed so impossible and was misleading.

Chaos was running wild deep within underneath my skin

I was about to explode but the fear of hurting more people

held me quiet and placed me there, pretending I was fine.

When it felt too much to bear, tears finally gave in

then the familiar weird question was there again

knocking, whispering, telling me something I couldn’t hear.

I think I love you, I love you like the earth to her moon

but a question was there, it was there, always been there,

it was calling on me to somewhere, to a different direction,

to someplace not even the man who had stepped on the moon

was able to know, it was a secret place kept so long even from me.

The question was irritating but it was there as always.

Then, one empty moment, I asked myself what was the question?

Heck, I didn’t even know!