Life As It Is

Again I heard that famous words, “Nan, you’re twenty-five now. You’re not getting any younger.” Somewhere in my head, I heard myself say, “I know.”

I refuse to use the word weird here today, however, it seems like that is the perfect word to describe how I really feel: Weird. I know I am not getting younger. I also know that I am still young. But when I think of settling down and having my own family in the near future, I get alarmed. I still have that fire of having my ultimate dream to become true one day. But as of now, I am thinking of something else. This time it is simpler and, it sounds more real.

I am thankful that I am now with Sykes. It was an answered prayer. It was a very long time of waiting in the middle of nowhere and finally God extended His holy hands and brought me to Sykes. I am thankful. I think I like the team I am in now. Everything is promising. I still have hard time in learning everything there is for me to learn at work. Somehow I know I can learn them. Sounds good, right?

Again, like those many times I said before, there is a place where I know I truly belong. I can’t explain it in a way I should because I do not know how to do that. But I can feel it right here inside of me. Okay, so what am I saying here now? I want to have a Sunday off from work. At this point of time when I already have new life with new good friends, I can sacrifice everything with it just to have a regular spiritual boost.

I still want to write. I believe that is something constant about me. It doesn’t change at all. It is like forever I’ll be like this. I was trying to have a conversation with God earlier today. But nothing much I was able to say. Words were few. But I believed that He listened to me. I know He did. He always did.

I know it is still a long journey for me to take to find out what is my mission in this sick world. I always tell the LORD that this world is too painful to live in. He doesn’t reply at all like visiting me in one of my dreams, or even through a whisper. Instead He brought me wonderful people to help me feel the hidden beauty of the world. Sounds mushy? I don’t give a bit of care. I am true with every word that I said here.

For now, I know what I want. May the LORD forgive me again, and may He, in His most amazing grace, have me closed within His arms where I am safe.