Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

My Lord, I am at the peak of my depression today. I know You never leave my side. I know that You had designed my life before I was born until the day I would die according to Your holy plans. I believe in You. Dear Jesus, I want to believe in You. I want to cry until my last tear just to prove I want to put my whole trust in You. I know You are just and a loving God. In the midst of my confusion, I can feel my faith is lying deep within me. I can feel You. I know You are working in my life. I know I was forgiven. I know You love me. But God, I am in so much fear right now. I know my fear only proves my faith is not that really strong. And I want to be strong. Because You are my God, the strongest, the greatest.

I don't have to tell You my stories. You know them. I just re-discovered my fear. I was born with eager determination to dream and to do all the things I can to achieve them all. But I could die without any of them coming true, in exchange of the lives of the people who I love the most - my brother and my sister.

I told You many times before I am ready...if You want a life, I could offer You mine. But instead, I always fear each day that someone in our family would bid that eternal goodbye. I am sorry, God. I am sorry because I am so weak. I know I am a disappointment to You. My Lord, I know You can feel my tears. Right now I want You to please perform a miracle in our lives. I don't know what kind of miracle, but please do something...I know You are doing something...I am so sorry. I don't know what I am saying.

God, help me. Make me someone who is helpful. Make me strong. Make my faith as strong as David's. I want to learn all the things You want me to know. Teach me all the things I should learn. Lead me to Your door.

And I want to thank You...thank You for all the people who keep supporting me. Thank you for all those people who help Papa, those who pray for us, to my friends who never fail to be there, to Janette Toral who is one of the gifts I received from You, to our neighbors, to our relatives, and to everything You always provide for us. Forgive me if I said something wrong here. I love You.

I am entrusting my whole life, all my dreams, the lives of the people I love, and all my emotions to You.

In the Name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.