The True Story

This week since last Sunday was...a big twist in my life. I still can't believe it really did happen. And it changed everything, well...almost everything. Like every event in our lives, it always offers good and bad things all together to teach you lessons, and sometimes, to reveal the true colors of people around you.
I always said before that Team 85 was the wonderful thing I had since I decided to live...again. I felt so lucky. It was like I was given the most beautiful gift, which a person like me, just starting to turn over a new leaf in his life, could I ever wish for - their friendship.
I am not going to put every detail here, like what I had promised to that person, just like what she promised to me, we should forget and no one should know. I decided not to defend myself anymore, although there are so much things I should say ( all facts ) because, it's a bit weird I know, but I like to protect that person somehow.
I was guilty not because I did it, or I better say, WE did it, but because it was against my values; and it was too risky for my personal goals in life. I am a young man. I know it will never be enough or valid reason to make out a point out of this statement, but that's how it is. We're both drunk, we should be both responsible for whatever we both liked to do that time. There were emotions involved and she knew it in the very first place. She knew that I was attracted to her. We, the whole team, had told our 'little secrets' to each other one time. She remembered that. She even said that she could even remember that little hint about my dream about her, she even said, " I won't forget that easy..." She wanted details of that dream. I tried giving her safe answers. However she insisted. Imagine, I was drunk, dreamy, and had to think sexually. I told her the dream was sexual. She even asked me to massage her. She is a very smart girl who is not innocent anymore. She knows a lot. About life, about learning things, socializing, and mature emotions. She could read meanings out of body movements, and she was full aware of the situation we were in.
It happened three times. The foreplay, let's say. Not the actual thing. She was awake. She was. She was responding to me. I should know. I'm not stupid, not even innocent to things like that. I knew the way a sleeping person breathe, faster and troubled. She was moaning. I was not the only person who heard her moans. This is telling you that I was not imagining. We even did hug each other while lying on our sides, facing each other...for minutes. When I say minutes...it's more than five to ten minutes. I think I have said enough. I want to remain those many things a secret story. The only reason why I am writing this here to tell to those people I did not do anything against her will. She wanted it, she pursued it, and she did it.
I don't care if you don't believe me. Why should I bother about something I only had participated in? We're not children anymore. We should not fight over a thing like this. I was so willing to shut my mouth from telling the true story like what I promised, believing she would do the same thing. Until one time, I realized people were now looking at me strangely, including my friend who is not her friend at all. I'm talking about here more than four people. She confronted me why should I tell to my friend about it? I said I needed to unload my feelings. Besides he is not her friend, he doesn't know her and he should not care at all. She asked me for a reason to it. She even made it clear to me that she only told it to a single person - our common friend. That was totally funny and so untrue. There is this person who always accompanies her most of the time whom she had told about the story or her story. Not only to that person but to another person who is also her friend. I understand her. It was part of her defense mechanism. And that's my point. These people I am talking about here are NOT my friends either. So why should I be questioned for something she already did? I don't understand the logic of her actions.
Why am I doing this now? Because I'm hurting. It's funny, I know. But losing your friends, losing the faith of people in you...that's already something. I was decided not to say anything to defend myself. But I couldn't let myself be destroyed by wrong information.
This week had picked out my real true friends out of the crowd. People who don't lie for selfish interest. It taught me lessons. And I feel blessed to know the colors of every people around me. Next time, I would be more careful.